When there's only me

It's been a beautiful day.
I made some new contacts, I am invited to a couple of nice new friends this weekend and had a wonderful playful time in the swimming-house (do you call it that?) this morning. I've felt alive and awake and christal clear.

Maybe it's just that the hour passed midnight again
And I'm still so awake awake awake.

A soft trip of loneliness comes crawling, we say hello - nothing more. Old friends, but never lovers. Again - there's only me. I'm like that. Klink-plink. And a piano. A beautiful one - at least...

Mattias told me goodnight 2 hours ago, we spent 3 hours on the phone.
He spoke about love, the beauty of the woman body, about us.
I reply uhm, mmm, ammm, said somthing "wise and optimistic" about longing and friendship and then uhm again.

I have walked through a door, into a world I felt might fit me better. I have wild nature here, a small universe to share, filled with music and a gentle touch now and then. Maybe I grow old before I bump out of it and find that only 10 minutes have passed in the outside world, maybe I trip and fall out of the wardrobe much earlier. I don't know exactly what my mission are, what I am assumed to bring here or not, I just felt these streets calling for me even before I got here, that I couldn't resist. So I decided to move here in August, and here I stand now.

I have spent some days and nights thinking and feeling.
I'm ready to make a room here now, for myself. To get attached.
Vulnerable and at the same time stronger. Wiser. More sad. Happier.
I'm like a guitar. I can play my strings and create vibrating sounds, that echoes from inside.

I listen to my voice
It sounds different now, in this late hour
The Sol Skugga voice.
She sings something about empty shoes. I smile.
Me and the objects surrounding me. A quiet understanding. Truth.
This studio knows me by now.
It says knick-knack-tip and tells me to feel safe and calm.
Embraces me like a big hug.

- It's okay if you rest for a while. Not to long though sweet sunshine.
- Don't worry I reply, I'm on my way. I've had my pause.
I'll go out there to kick some stones rolling again.
To do my things. To stay occupied, some more years. I promise not to fall asleep. I am still fast. I can run away from that mad tiredness. By the way, I feel wide awake. Really. Don't worry, I handle myself.

Oh well dear diary.
Same same.
Yes, things have changed, but there's still only me. Walking this road, but with pleasant company in reach.

Sugar dripping on my inside.

I'd go around the world for you, if needed; I heard it twice today, from two of my best friends. How come I deserve so much love?

Fake it til you make it
I wrote it in my hand, on my arm
Practise makes perfect

Am I?
Perfect?
Now?

I hope not.
Uhh, gotta sleep now.
In the best sofa ever ;OP