So. I have a preliminary date now.

The paper says there can be changes if someone else has to be taken care of before me. But I'll most probably have my operation in the beginning of February.

Afraid?

Jupp. But also brave. You can't really be brave if there's no fear. I hate hospitals. Even if they saved my life. And I know there'll be so much pain involved this time, they wouldn't be so specific about that it's my decision if it's not a pretty bad thing to go through. I just have to do this. And It can't be worse. I guess. Then before. I mean I've had a needle between my fingertips, sewing a scar by hand. Without saying a word.

I know the pain will not go away for ever. It's more like I'll be given a place to breath, that's longer then 3 weeks a time. Maybe a year, or two. And in that time I'm gonna dance again, like crazy. Ride a horse like I used to, run like I used to. That's worth everything.

So, next year will start with me laying down. So I really have to find a place to hide. A place to be lonely. Or maybe not. Maybe not this time. I don't know. We'll see about it.

I'm prepared.

Beautiful freak

You're such a beautiful freak
I wish there were more just like you
Youre not like all of the others

And that is why I love you
Beautiful freak, beautiful freak
That is why I love you
Beautiful freak, beautiful freak

Some people think you have a problem
But that problem lies only with them
Just cause you are not like the others

But that is why I love you
Beautiful freak, beautiful freak
Yeah that is why I love you
Beautiful freak, beautiful freak

Too good for this world
But I hope you will stay
And Ill be here to see that you dont fade away

Youre such a beautiful freak
I bet you are flying inside
Dart down and then go for cover

And know that i
I love you
Beautiful freak,
You know that i
I love you
Beautiful freak, beautiful freak

You are all so damn sweet!

So this morning I bumped into 15 messages at myspace/my email that told me they where happy to have found my blogg that I posted info about just the other day. You make me blush a bit but I'll try and keep it as open and pure as I can, even if I now understand that you are actually reading what I say. You know, I prefer to see this blogg more as a monolog, Can't really let go of my words otherwise.

Anyways. Thank you so MUCH for beeing here for me!!! If I had a thousand arms I'd hug you all and bring you to stay in my apartment :P

Love!

/Sol

And then it happens. You are there.

At times back in time, I wondered about people who didn't realise where they were. Who didn't appreciate who they hanged out with and what they had accomplished in life, so far.

Things happen so quickly - but at the same time, when you are in the middle you forget about yesterday.
It's easy.

Today I've had some time alone. Thinking about myself and the road that brought me here. Listening to things I were proud of 3 and 2 years ago. Realizing that all those nights, hours and seconds I've spent on learning, rehearsing, reading, trying and trying and never giving up have given me so much back.

I AM an artist now. I haven't had lika a hugh break-through. But noone question me whit a kind smile, when I say I am a singer, a songwriter and that I try to make a living out of what I do.

I have companies that are willing to work with me because they belive they can make money out of me. Friends who support me because they believe in my dreams. Amazing musicians who are spending time learning chords I have written, and recording on my albums. Musicians I could only dream of even saying hello to.

I have visitors that I didn't ask to drop by. I am on the fucking front-page of a real labels new website, who helped me shoot a beautiful video and master some of my songs.
Read: Happy minds

I'm on my way. I'm travelling. I sease the moment - not in a whacked out ego-boost kinda way - more in a soft kharma way. I can be at peace for a while and know that I must have done something right. And it's enough. I'm here.

A humble request, help me if you like what I do

So...

Those of you who follow me, and know how hard I work to create some beauty for this world: I try my very best to get it together, and now I have all contacts I need and the knowledge to reach out there and give you my soul, love and with a little push I'll be able to travell this world and visit you to become a part of your life.

I don't need anything to keep my inspiration going, but my body needs food and the companys who are interested in promoting me, needs money to do so. So, if you'd like to by me a cup of coffe, a new soundcard, a pretty dress or just give me a small hug in a more physical shape than beutiful words (that I live of at the moment), are welcome to give a small present aftet your own taste by clicking this button. Tell me when you've done so, and I will add you to a special donation list that will give you all music I'll create in the future to you for free. This is a way for me to surrvive and you to get my singles, albums and things for one coin if that's what you think it's worth. I really really need your help right now.

Thanks and I hope that one day I can share love and help you back in return.
/Sol

Give me some resistance and I get stronger

I am enthusiastic most of time. I know I am always a bit humoristic on the outside, that’s my character, created to survive so many serious things in my life. I smile and smile until I smile for real, so to say. I am often seen as a bit “wild” or un-structured because I am open with the ideas and dreams crossing through my mind.
People, who know me, also know I am a person who gets things done, once I have decided so. That I focus on things that can actually be something, and that I don’t get lost in unrealistic thoughts and plans.
So, today I’m gonna tell you about one of the few things related to me as a person, that make me sad once in a while.
My very last shield/mask or whatever you’d like to call it – is the one I put up that have some distance to me and my person. I let me be “the young girl who is okay with that people respect her and her knowledge/ experience, but still think she’s a bit entertaining - something you can joke around with, because she never gets pissed off, just smiles and buys the rules”. This role-playing game’s something I’ve learnt to handle on my way as a girl spending most of my time in a guy’s world. Business wise or not businesswise – the way people meet me, always are drawn at the edge of professionalism and friendship /attraction/ curiosity.
A big part of my success as a person relates to that I sell myself as a product. That’s ok. But sometimes I get a bit mad, angry, tired or just pissed off, being in these shoes, assumed to be playing these games. Sometimes, when I am NOT playing them, just being totally honest, I feel that in one way I have to keep the masquerade up, just because people expect it to be there. Or they think it’s there, when it’s not.
When I simply try to say – hey I adore you as a person – AND I think your project is inspiring, and I really wanna be a part of what you do, on several levels, and I don’t say it to have some advantage or whatever – but the person think it’s so or guess it’s so, it hurts a bit inside. I don’t want people I feel for, think that I am just fooling around with them, as they assume I do with “others”.
What I try to say is: the line between work and privacy often smudge, and that’s natural, and sure – sometimes I’m a bit nicer to get what I want. But when it comes to people I really get interested in, and would like to work with, or spend time with, I always treat them very fair and if I say one thing, I really mean it. On a personal level or a project-sharing level, doesn’t matter.
This is my last weak point. To trust that someone would hang around even if I’m not that “entertaining”. Just because I’m me, and because I am good at whatever fuck it may be. I can hear my voice surfing on the surface, and sometimes I hate it. That flirty, nice, funny me that people fall for, but at the same time keep some distance to, because they are worried she’s just a tease. Well. She’s not.
And that’s when I get really focused, cold and effective. Today is that kind of day. I always think hard and work hard, even if it sounds like I am just spinning around like a mad person. On the inside I am actually pretty calm, still ambitious - but more careful. And I try to be transparent and embrace my surroundings, but when I’m afraid I am being misunderstood, or seen as a naïve, charming youngster, even if it’s just a very small taste of it, I go into my mussel shell and focus on what has to be done, and I back of that girly me and just work my own way to prove I really don’t need what they think I’m after. I only need me, and I’m not that desperate, just very passionate about things I find interesting.
I don’t know if you understand anything of what I am talking about.
I just want to be met with truth, and that what I say or do is received without any preconceived notion about what I have as purpose with my words. If I say I would like to join your company, fuck you, have dinner, learn what you know or borrow your car, - that’s simply the only thing I care for at the moment. It’s not more complicated than that.

And yeah, I’m impulsive. But my heart and brain are fast followers even when I move quickly. Just so you know.

Blessed be.



Haha. Okay. I had to ;)

Reading about tonight

Cool table for mac users!

Free online metronome. pretty neat

Musicovery

Investment something

Human rights in sweden