Am I a buddhist and I think I have got tourettes?

I had the most overwhelming nice conversation with my friend Mike yesterday after my gig. He asked me about my opinion on reality. And where I normally just go: oh. I’m open minded, smile and change the subject – I opened my heart and soul and told him the truth about me and my universe.
So, I have written a book about this, and it’s a 300 pages x 3 books long story, so I can’t tell you everything about it here. But today I will try and explain how my personal matrix works.
I have dreamt about a continuing place called Aviegnona since I were 6 yrs old. I have friends there, a life that grows on its own, a place to live, people that I hang out with and things that I learn, in the same way as I have here. To me – there’s NO difference at all, besides I experience different places, lifestyles, cultures etc in my two coexisting worlds- What I mean is – when I fall asleep here, my attention draws to that other place, and I spend some time there, in the other me, called Tara. When I wake up here – I have to leave her, even if I’m in the middle of something, and she keeps on doing that whatever thing she does, and will have her own days and nights passing by when I’m not there. When I am strong here, like very focused on this reality, she fades away a bit in her world and vice versa. We try to make this work out the best way we can, but in some parts of my life it has been pretty hard for me to draw a line between us. To not float over the line and smudge all edges between her reality and mine.

My teacher over there, has told me that what we prefer to call a soul, grows in a human body as our mind grows, and some people grow so strong souls, that when they die, that soul travels through some kind of reincarnation between two parallel universes. You will be able to remember things from your past (if you are not a perfectly new soul) in each of those worlds/bubbles, but not from both or over the line. What he thinks happened to me, is that my soul/spark/whatever thing - was divided in two last time I died in Aviegnona, and one travelled here, and the other part got stucked and stayed in Tara. This normally never happens to human beings, if you should listen to their theories - so they don’t know why or how this happened. But that’s how I’ve had it explained to me. (Cats live this way though, living in two worlds at the same time.)

So, our universe is parallel to another alike universe, and other universes work the same over and over out there. When you read about reincarnation you learn that when you go back in your memories you remember things with 80-70 years space/blanks in between the different life’s you may have, and this is- as I said before – explained by that you swap world each time you die (IF you are reincarnated, some people simply die with their body, and some gets lost in the space between these worlds, and becomes what we refer to as ghosts – some sort of present mind that are not really here but not yet gone either. )

So, this will do for today, so I don’t freak you out completely =) If you have any questions, please add them as a comment and I try to reply to them. I could tell you thousands of things about the persons living there, their culture, history etc…
I have a song written to my best friend over there, my teacher and guide Maarion. We’ve had our story, our love and our mistakes, our quarrels and so on. So now you might understand my Swimming without webbed toes album a bit more...

Maarion

So – Mike told me the thing I have experienced in the backstreet of my mind, is pretty similar to what a Buddhist believes, so maybe after all I’m not that atheistic at all. *smiles*

So, back to tourettes. I just can’t stay away from my phone. I sit and laugh at myself, oh well. I’m cute, I never behave this way. Okay, to Emma maybe, but I mean she’s my first girl-friend. I could call her 50 times a day and talk about nothing and she wouldn’t care. At least not when she was still single. It’s like when you find a unbelievable great song, and you have to listen to it sooo many times before you can turn it off.
I have not listened enough yet.
Sometimes you just can’t help yourself. Like with this song from Sleepthief. I love it. If I one day may do some collaboration with him that would be such an honour.



haha, oh, that was another great song from my teenage period. Here comes sleep thief!

What a day and what a night!

The strings on the guitar broke, we were late and the rain were poring down when we finally finished. I had left my keys at home, so I had no where to go, midnight passed and then I were saved by Mike from Gompa. I slept in a nice and veeery dark studio at Odenplan and today I don't really know how things will turn out. I don't have a band to soundcheck with, but hopefully Mike will help me out once again. I think his an angel =)

So...

Now I have to create some extra-numbers that I can do tonight, cause the songs we've been rehearsing are to few. Ahhh...I'll have fun anyway =) This is just one of those days. I'm having a crazy end of a perfect month. It's ok.

At least Jaiku's back again :P

See ya!

A voice to explain what I tried to say earlier

All is full of love



Probably the most beautiful video ever.
Followed by:

Green Grass Of Tunnel



Mmm...

Hurt

I'm on a "break a heart mission" today.
I'm a lion trying to kill softly. Or at least fast. Today it won't help me that I'm vegetarian. There will still be pain in someone elses flesh. It won't help me I wrote big warnings on my walls. I'm here again.
It's ironic.

But I'm calm.
There's no fight inside. No part of me screaming, telling me to stay, to act normal, to try a bit longer, to change direction. To be satisfied and embrace what is given.

My Dearest Sister's finally at peace with my decisions. We finally feel the same. Our heart working as a unit. I wrote a song to her - to that stuborn little me once, called Dear Sister.

Dear Sister

Time and life changes. That's what keeps me sain.
Long story short.

My most beloved died 10 years ago.
I held her hand when she closed her eyes.
I still keep her bracelet around my arm every day.
We still don't know what made her crash and burn.
I simply think she wasn't ment to be kept here.
And I'm always the one surrviving. The one left here.
In this beautyful weird place called reality.
Yeah. I'm Romeo and Julia romantic. I'm that forever and ever soul.

Oh, I've experienced love since then. Friends, sisters, brothers, lovers. But so far only fingetipps on the door handle to the inner circle of my Garden. A few have entered in words, given over internet, but none yet in flesh.

And my Dearest Sister, still caught in that last breath, she stays inside. Waiting. Waaaaaiting. Knowing she might spend her whole life, doing that. I kinda love-hate her for acting that way. But now she has moved from that far away place, and lingers under my skinn. It's a odd feeling. Like beeing 17 again, but still a grown up woman.

Oh hey.
This turns out to be a love letter.
It's funny how things shape themself under my fingers. Songs, lyrics writings. I just let them do so. I never go back and edit. Not this kind of things. Just pictures. Not words. There's a difference. Pictures need some help. Some explanation. Words doesn't.

Work?
Haha. Okay okaaaaaay. I have my deadlines. I better get back to them now.

So, to begin with "hurt", let's end it with "happiness".

From me and my dear sister to you.

Love.

Export, render, paste filters, render, copy, erase

High definition.
I’m alone.
It’s me, a screen, a window, a pale sky and the sound of my chair as I change position once in a while. I’m editing the past, editing moments already gone.
I am not afraid of tomorrow. I keep the beauty of yesterday, sheltered in words, letters, pictures and sounds, because I am pleased. Because I’d like to remember things the way I felt them. I add some glow to them and save them to my library.
So, arranging and rearranging some frames, is so much more than just making the perfect movie. I have to get lost in emotions. I have to be honest to kneel the right feeling. I have to step outside of my universe and then back again.
Do you wonder if publishing this poetic bullshit makes me happy? Maybe. I hope I don’t hurt your eyes.
Now I have to prepare a sandwich, I am starving.
Oh. Beside.

1. I wanna fuck you like an animal. I wanna feel you on the inside.



2. You'll be a lover to my bed, and a gun to my head. We must never be apart.



Soundtrack of today. 90th lovers.

A walk at the graveyard

I got up pretty early today. A walk in the sun, passed by Globen and over the bridge Sofo. Made my sister and her housebound wake up, shower, get in some clothes and follow me down to have some breakfast, loooads of pancakes, as I told you yesterday.

Actually they were a bit rude in the café, having us wait one HOUR before we could enjoy the table, just because they had to "finish slicing some fruit". I excused them. They may have a really bastard to boss, or just some stupid rules. Anyway, I finished at 11.00 AM, slept for a while in my parents apartment an then met a friend from brazil, a nice guy playing guitar. Drop by and give him a visit at:

www.myspace.com/danielmarques

So, bla bla bla, back in what I do and not do. So...

Feel good today:
Phone call from Stefan, (who sang the Swedish National song on my phone answering machine and made me crack a smile of the year. Man I love him).

Feel good tonight:
A walk through Stockholms graveyard, with Björn and a hdvcam. Chill out zone in sweet company and beautiful surroundings, just in my taste. A new, more then welcome friendship.

And something bad:
I have forgotten something, important. And therefor - I don't know what it is. Just that there's something. WHAT IS IT!!! I go through my list over and over. Money, things to do, friends, birthdays...

Something - something sticky, itchy, hairy...iiiiiihhhh.

Pm = Pre night. Am = After midnight. I have decided so. And. THERE is no such thing as "herr-trosa". Oh nooooooooo =)

Ah well. This works fine. I need a car!

See ya =)

Hippi community here we go

Pizza, Coffee, Madeira and three Mac's.

Life can be like this. We have seen the last chapters of Lord of the ring, as always fever inside when memories of my most beloved Antares - my fairy tail one, rushes through my soul. It's been 10 years and I haven't found any words yet. But I have a song on my mind. I might put it on my Gardenia album. If I let it out in time.

I remain in the shadows.

Tonight there's beauty, new friends and a longing for tomorrow. Tomorrow there's pancakes with an elder sister and things to be done.

I might get some sleep.
Though I am open...